It’s week 1 in the second partial, on my fourth semester, in high school, or what I’ve come to know as hell. I know nothing about everything. I’ve got unbelievable amounts of homework. I hate everything and everyone.
I feel stupid, because I don’t know a lot of things I should, and contagious, because the level of stupidity I feel is so great, I think people might fucking ‘catch’ some of it.
Empirically is one of my favorite words now. It’s knowledge based on experiences. I’m a pessimist empirically, because all previous experiences have taught me that whenever I’m involved something goes wrong. I’m always expecting something to go wrong. It usually does go wrong. Everyone gives me a hard time about being a pessimist. About not smiling ever. I’m not going to smile when I don’t want to fucking smile. I’ll give them their fucking smiles.
“I always feel that whatever I’m doing, I’m doing something wrong. Just by existing, we’re doing something wrong. Life is just the process by which we try to correct these mistakes, and fail miserably.”—MeMy mind
As I’m listening to Radiohead’s King of Limbs I’ve figured out something.
When you listen to a new album for the first time, you sort of know when the song changes, but it all feels like one big song. The second time you listen to it, you start to be able to make a difference between songs, and you start having an idea of how long the album is. The third time you listen to it, you start to know what each song sounds like and which songs you like best. It’s nice. I feel intelligent now.
Today was boring. I wanted to go sleep. I wanted to go home. I remembered that there’s still more than a year left of school, not just “3 more hours” as a classmate said. Apparently I’m the only one that sees “the time left” like that. And you can’t choose to forget it. I’m tired of everything.
After doing some out-fucking-standing home-fucking-work, I’ll listen to Radiohead’s new album and then go play Dead Space on hard. Gaming is the only thing that makes much sense anymore.